


Baby, We're Gonna Burn (but, Maybe We Can Burn Together)

by awanderingmuse



Series: These Tempermental Days [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, M/M, POV Bucky Barnes, Period Typical Homophobia, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, World War II Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 16:24:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1989699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awanderingmuse/pseuds/awanderingmuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky secretly hopes Steve is right about the coming rain. Maybe it can douse the warmth being near Steve always brings.</p><p>or</p><p>There's a reason Bucky is so protective of Steve and they both know it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby, We're Gonna Burn (but, Maybe We Can Burn Together)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the lovely LtReginaBarclay for the wonderful Beta job! And for listening to me rant for ages about how I had no idea where this was actually going. Your the best hun!

Bucky is overheated and overwarm inside. The heatwave raging outside can’t match the slowly consuming inferno in his heart. 

“I think it’s going to rain.” Steve says hopefully from his perch on the windowsill in their stifled Brooklyn apartment. 

Steve’s birdlike bones curve around his sketch pad while his hand flutters across the page. His bare arm, because of the heat Steve is only wearing his undershirt, turning grey from where it brushes against previously drawn lines.

Calculating blue eyes take in the smoky landscape of the city. The furrow of his brow and the tip of his tongue peeking out past dry lips mask his need for respite from the heat. 

Bucky loves seeing Steve like this, quiet but intense, and so full of hidden life. Steve shines like the stars. It often seems like Bucky is the only one to notice. 

“Buck?” Steve barks. Shattering the illusion, or rather, flowing seamlessly from one illusion to another. Steve’s tone of voice commands a response right now or God help Bucky. Where a moment ago Steve was all fine boned restfulness he is now shinning bright with a desire to be heard. He still isn’t Bucky’s.

“Did you hear me?” Steve demands again. Defensive only because he fears that Bucky has finally realized that he is wasting his time with a guy as scrawny and useless as Steve. 

Steve always fears that the present day will bring Bucky walking out of his life. Regardless of how often Bucky tells him that day will never come, because really it is Steve who is wasting his time on Bucky.

“Yeah. I heard you.” Bucky drawls back. Not bothering to look up from the newspaper he hadn’t been reading a moment before. He spits out an affectionate “Punk” at the end to let Steve know he really is listening.

Steve sighs with exasperation. His weak lungs rattle at the end of the frustrated exhalation, proving that he isn’t completely over his summer cold. Bucky files that small sound away for the next time Steve tries to tell him he doesn’t need to take it easy. 

“Well, do you agree with me?” Steve asks, verbally prodding Bucky into standing to join him by their window. The rickety old chair Mrs. McHugh gave them when she moved away creaks warningly under Bucky’s shifting weight. 

Bucky takes a moment to let his eyes rove over the darkening clouds like he wishes he could do with Steve’s face. He leans on the window frame so his hand rests next to Steve’s bare foot. It would only take a twitch of his finger for them to be touching. 

Bucky barely dares to breath. Much less take the finger spaced leap that would ruin their friendship forever. 

Bucky shakes his head “It’s not going to rain Steve.” He states softly. In a much sterner tone he tells himself that Steve will never return his affections.

Steve huffs in annoyance and stands. From the corner of his eye Bucky watches as his friend carefully stacks his bent spine in that particular way of his. 

“It will too.” Steve counters. Mulishly biting his lip and staring out the window as if he could will it to rain. Bucky pointedly keeps his eyes on the grey clouds, and the window’s reflection of the stubbornly set lines of Steve’s face. 

“I can tell, Buck.” Steve continues, gaze intense with conviction. He is completely oblivious as ever to Bucky’s internal struggle. “The sky is the heavy dark grey it turns when it’s about open up and drop days’ worth of water in ten minutes.”

Bucky can’t contain his chuckle at Steve’s ardent belief. “You’ve been saying that for days, Stevie.” 

Steve glares at him and cracks open the window to caress the drying leaves of their once growing bean plant. “We need the rain.” 

It hasn’t rained in weeks and weeks. Drying the summer warmed city into a water starved husk. People were suffering. They really did need some rain. 

Bucky would give all the water in the world to be the plant Steve was gently fusing over. A brooding silence settled between them. Bucky didn’t like seeing Steve worrying over things he couldn’t control. 

Inhaling sharply to shake off his own sour mood, Bucky carelessly throws an arm over Steve’s shoulders. He tucks him close against his ribs, like he normally did during the winter when not even God could keep Steve warm. 

For a blissful moment Steve relaxes into the embrace. Then he sees Mrs. Caulson waving at them from sidewalk where she is walking the baby. A knowing smile spread across her red lips. Bucky starts to wave back, thinking nothing of it.

Steve suddenly squawks indignantly and tries to shove Bucky off. He ducks his head to hide his furious blush. 

“Jesus! Come on Buck! It’s too hot to be this close!” Steve exclaims, sounding angrier than normal over being manhandled.

But Bucky won’t have it. At least, not until he shakes Steve’s bony shoulder and tousles his fine silky hair roughly. Surely that would get Steve to lighten up.

When Bucky lets Steve go, the smaller man quickly retreats to the other side of the window. His arms are crossed tightly over his chest.

Bucky realizes he’s somehow made a mistake and needs to smooth things over.

“Here’s a thought.” Bucky offers with a grin. Hopefully Steve will take the bait. “How about we go down to the Soda Shop and get some ice-cream? We can afford it. We’ve got some left over money this month.”

Steve’s smile a little at that and he lets his arms fall, telling Bucky he is forgiven. The way Steve bites his lip means he is truly considering it. 

“It’ll be fun.” Bucky coaxes.

Steve’s eyes go distant with thought. Bucky knows he is calculating prices and a million other factors Bucky could never keep up with. Bucky waits patiently for Steve to tell him what he’s thinking. 

“I’ll give you one better, Barnes.” Steve finally counters. “With the money I’ve made doing odd jobs for Mr. Hayes this month? We can get ourselves Root Beer Floats and dinner too.”

That wasn’t completely true. It would drain their emergency medicine fund for Steve. The little Punk knew it too. But if Steve was willing to make that sacrifice to make Bucky happy then Bucky didn’t mind working a few more hours to get the money back.

“Well gosh, Stevie.” Bucky mock simpers in a throat constricting falsetto, making sure to bat his eyelashes. Even though he knows it isn’t nearly as alluring as when Steve does it. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Finally, Steve laughs. He puts his whole body into it for a few huffed breaths before it cuts off in a small cough and a weak chuckle. Bucky grins. He has been trying to get Steve to laugh since he’d started this conversation. 

Steve just rolls his eyes and closes the distance between them to knock his shoulders into Bucky’s. “Aw, can it, Buck.”

Bucky’s stomach swoops at the casual contact. A long deep laugh bubbles from deep inside Bucky. 

The laugh is interrupted by Steve knocking in to him again when thunder claps against their window pane and rain suddenly pours from the sky in big fat drops. 

Steve moves away quickly, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. He hates it when he startles at little things like thunder. It makes him feel even weaker. Bucky immediately regrets the loss of contact.

Bucky returns to staring out the window. “Well.” He murmurs a bit sadly. “I guess we’ll have to take a rain check on those Root Beer Floats.”

Steve, whose eyes had filled with joy because of the rain taking the oppressive heat from the city, frowns. “It’s just a little rain.”

Normally Bucky would relent on trying to keep Steve inside. It really was just a little summer rain. But Steve was still getting over his cold. Under those conditions ‘just a little rain’ took a more sinister edge.

“Steve.” Bucky says calmly.

Steve deflates entirely. 

“Come on, Bucky.” Steve practically begs. “I’m better. Really, I am. The rain won’t even be cold.” He is quiet for a moment. He sees that Bucky won’t give in easily, before quietly admitting “I haven’t walked through the rain since Mom passed, Buck. She used to enjoy doing that. Please?”

And what could Bucky say to all of that? 

“Yeah. Alright, Punk.” Bucky exhales. “But if you so much as wheeze.”

“I’ll go right back inside and wait till it’s dry again.” Steve promises earnestly. He is already moving to collect his wallet and other belongings required for an outing. 

Bucky chuckles to himself and follows suit. He ignores the grin that keeps tugging at the corner of his lips as Steve moves enthusiastically around the apartment whistling tunelessly.

In a matter of minutes they step onto the front step of the apartment building. The air is heavy with rain. Fat drops bombard the ground like miniature bombs drowning out the street noise from several feet away.

“You sure you want to do this?” Bucky drawls, trying to keep Steve safe one last time.

Steve just shoots a care free smile over his shoulder and steps out into the rain. Shaking his head in amusement, Bucky joins him. In seconds the warm rain has soaked through his clothes and run down his neck making him shiver at the tickling sensation. 

None of that is as important as watching Steve, who turns playfully in the rapidly falling rain. His scrawny arms spread out flinging water in every direction. Just as quickly as he started Steve abruptly stops. Tilting his head back and closing his eyes to let the water run down his up turned face. 

Bucky’s breath catches in absolute awe. Steve looks like a fallen angel trying his damnedest to pray his way back to Grace. Bucky would do anything to get him there. Bucky’s breath leaves his lungs shakily, immediately getting Steve’s attention.

Realizing Bucky is staring, Steve smiles at him uncertainly. “Alright there, Bucky?”

Bucky almost needs to shake himself to move past the things Steve makes him feel right then. He takes a few strides forward to reach Steve and throws an arm over Steve’s shoulder. “Couldn’t be better, Punk.” He retorts, making Steve scoff.

Bucky pushes on Steve’s shoulders to steer him in the direction of the Soda Shop. “Now let’s get me some ice cream and get you out of this rain.” 

Steve makes a token protest at being treated like an invalid but Bucky doesn’t notice. He’s too busy fighting the warm burning feeling being with Steve always brings.  
_____

Bucky can’t believe that he and Steve wished for rain two days ago. Now as rain continues to fall from the sky he only wishes that it would stop. That it would take the rattle of yet another cold forming in Steve’s lungs with it. The coughs that shook Steve’s small frame making Bucky protective in ways he shouldn’t be. 

Bucky had asked Steve to stay home and rest while he went to work. Hopefully the punk was in bed. Curled up under a pile of thick blankets and sleeping soundly. 

With his thick eyelashes fanned out against his cheek. Bucky shook off the thought. If Steve ever found out what went through Bucky’s head he would never speak to Bucky again.

Bucky sighs and kicks at a rusty can near his feet, sending it clanging down the sidewalk. Falling water pings off the sides as it rolls. The sound continues long after the can comes to a halt in the gutter. The sounds now come from the alley several yards ahead.

His feet have him running towards the noise before he has time to think. Bucky would like to say his response was because he didn’t like people getting hurt. But, that was Steve. Bucky is headed towards the trouble because chances were Steve was part of the ruckus. And well, Bucky couldn’t have that. 

Bucky turns the corner sharply to find Steve backed into a dingy corner by the shadowy forms of two much larger men. He is lying on the ground, curled into a ball. Steve’s arms and legs are moving like he is going to get up. The warmth Steve always makes Bucky feel rages into a forest fire and Bucky sees red. The guys prepare to start kicking at Steve.

Bucky doesn’t remember pulling the guys off Steve. He does recall the crack of a nose beneath his fist and the cry of pain as he twists somebody’s arm just a little too far back. The way the cowards who can’t handle taking on someone they’re own size run for mama. Cutting calls of “Fine, have your way with your boy, you fucking queerie.” thrown carelessly over their retreating shoulders.

Bucky shakes his head, refusing to let the accusation get to him, and reaches down to give Steve a hand up. Steve hesitantly takes his hand and then wipes blood from his split lip. The damage doesn’t appear to be too severe. A few bruises and the split lip, but no broken bones or serious cuts. 

The heat subsides back to caring warmth.

“You don’t have to do that.” Steve mumbles to his feet while brushing himself off. All he really succeeds in doing is rubbing the dirt deeper into his clothes.

Satisfied that Steve is alright to make it to their apartment Bucky allows for a teasing scoff. “Well, it’d be rude for me to leave a guy on the ground now. Wouldn’t it, Stevie?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Steve spits bitterly.

Bucky’s heart about stops at Steve’s words. What did Steve mean? Was he telling Bucky to leave him alone? Had he finally figured out he was far better than Bucky?

“What?” Bucky asks dumbly. The feeling he always gets around Steve taking on a panicked edge.

“You don’t have to ruin your own reputation just to save my sorry back side.” Steve explains, still very obviously bitter. “Those guys know us, Buck. They think we’re, you know, queers.”

Steve stops talking suddenly, shakes his head and tries again. “They can’t be the only ones who think we...” 

Steve’s breath hitches worrisomely. “If it got out that we…”

He abandons that sentence as well with a shake of his head and mumbles, “You don’t have to do this.”

Bucky doesn’t know why, but he feels like he wants to cry. Who cares what a couple of Goons think anyways. It feels like Steve is trying to push him away and that hurts far worse than those Goons ever could.

“Steve?” He pleads uncertainly, needing Steve to explain.

“You’re better than me.” Steve says like it is a fact of life. “I’m just going to get you in trouble. It won’t kill me if you move on, Buck.” Steve implores sadly. 

This conversation is making Bucky’s heart feel like a glass exploding into a million pieces. 

Steve turns his back to Bucky, slowly walking over to his sketch pad that lays abandoned on the pavement a few feet away. As he picks it up, he softly scoffs. “Who am I kidding? I’ll die, but it’s not going to matter.”

And those are the words that finally get through Bucky’s stunned head. Steve Rogers will not die on Bucky Barnes’s watch. Protective rage flares through Bucky again. This time it is aimed at Steve. 

Before either of them can think Bucky has Steve pinned against the back wall of the alley. 

“Steve!” Bucky grinds out in a harsh whispered shout. “Don’t ever say anything like that. I said till the end of the line and I meant it.”

Steve tries to shove Bucky away from him. “Get off, Buck!” 

“No.” Bucky growls. Steve freezes, clearly scared and trying to hide it. Bucky is bigger than Steve and Steve doesn’t know what Bucky intends to do. He doesn’t understand the source of Bucky’s anger.

Bucky moves closer so he can look Steve in the eye. He can feel Steve’s warm uneven breaths brush across the rain water cooling on his cheek. 

“No.” Bucky says softer this time. “I need you Steve. Please, don’t make me leave.”

“Bucky?” Steve asks uncertainly. Hearing the truth of Bucky’s feelings in his tone of voice but not understanding it. “What?”

“If you want me to give you space, I’ll do it.” Bucky confesses, then throwing all caution to the wind. All sense of self-preservation bowing to the panic that races through his mind at the thought of not having Steve in his life anymore, he says, “But don’t force me out, Steve. I love you too much to lose you.”

Steve’s breath catches. His eyes turn sad. “Buck.” falls from his lips like a fervent prayer. 

Then Steve’s arms are around Bucky’s shoulders. Steve’s lips press briefly against his own. Then Buck finds himself locked in a bone breaking hug. Steve’s murmured “I love you too, Bucky.” caresses his ear.

But where Bucky feels his heart filling with joy, Steve sounds like he’s about to cry. Suddenly feeling like maybe this isn’t the start of something new and exciting. Bucky holds on tighter. 

They are silent for a moment. Simply standing there, being with each other in the water heavy air of a dank alley.

“I’m sorry, Bucky.” Steve finally speaks, pulling away a little. Bucky lets him go. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” 

“Why are you sorry, Stevie?” Bucky asks gently, though he wants to throw a fit. He knows what ever Steve is apologizing for will make perfect sense and kill this fledgling thing between them.

“We can’t.” Steve says like it’s one of the secrets they used to share as kids. “It’s not allowed. It will get us both in trouble or ruined or killed. Those guys won’t be the only guys that would come after us if we let this happen. I can’t lose you either, Buck. And I will lose you if we… ” 

Steve rests his head against Bucky’s chest. “I’m sorry Buck. We could try to keep it secret, but that never works. People always find out. And then people get hurt. And I can’t risk you, even if we both want this. I have to keep you, and the only way I can is as my best friend.”

Bucky wants to see red again. He wants to let the fire well up and consume him until he burns a place in the world for him and Steve. But he can’t. He can’t stand to see Steve hurting and afraid that Bucky will leave him now that he’s said yes and no.

“It’s alright, Punk.” Bucky whispers. He pulls Steve back to him for one more hug. Tenderly, tilts Steve’s chin up to drop one last kiss on his lips. 

Then Bucky lets Steve go and swings a comforting arm around his shoulders like he’s done a thousand times before. “I understand.”

Steve looks up at him skeptically and Bucky ignores it. He steers his small friend towards their apartment. 

“Come on, let’s go home.” He says. Forcing himself to act casual. He has to be strong right now. “I want to get a closer look at that lip. I don’t like how it’s swelling up.”

Steve forces a grin on his face and sighs his usual put upon sigh. The one that is exclusively for leaving alleys he’s been beat up in. If it’s a little more wistful than normal neither of them comment. “But I had ‘em on the ropes, Buck.”

“I know you did.” Bucky says indulgently as they companionably wander the streets towards home. “I know you did.” 

The burn isn’t gone. And it isn’t something he can fully share with Steve. Not with the world the way it is. But maybe they can still burn together.

**Author's Note:**

> Anybody got a better Summary?


End file.
